Coping With Divorce
How can you make coping with divorce easier?
It is important to realize the power an individual has through conscience and careful decision making that impacts the lives of so many. It is critical for all that are experiencing a divorce that they constantly keep in check their individual contribution and health. For instance, a doctor probably never anticipated that his divorce stress would lead him to physically assault his terminally ill mother-in-law because he was resentful and did not want to drop the children off to her at his former home. But the experience of not having his emotions in check, left him with being prosecuted for assault and his children witnessing trauma between people that they loved. This is an example that high conflict divorces can easily turn out of control if one’s emotions are not continually balanced while experiencing this kind of stress.
Why do people suffer from difficulties coping with divorce?
When a marriage breaks up, often the attachment style of one partner to the other partner will contribute to their coping strategy and mental health. (Birnbaum 1997). Birnbaum, in his study of 120 participants, learned that the attachment styles that struggled the most with how people react to the crisis of divorce were avoidant and anxious-ambivalent. Attachment styles examined were secure, avoidant and anxious-ambivalent. Avoidant attachment styles are overly sensitive to social rejection, humiliation, shame, low self-esteem and are very upset by the slightest disapproval of others. Anxious-ambivalent attachment styles are co-dependant, have difficulty making decisions and are nervous and anxious.
Another personality aspect that may affect coping is a constantly critical and negative perspective. This individual will have a difficult time examining the contributions they negatively contributed to the relationship because they spend most of their time being critical of the other partner. The negative perspective is a hindrance to progress because one needs to focus on the new positive options that are waiting to be taken advantage of and they never see it because they are focusing on the negative energy from the past. This type of personality can easily slip into the victim role and spend endless hours thinking of how they were misaligned and not focus their energy on building a new life. This individual often has a difficult time coping and moving on and can inflict significant damage to children and family members involved by maintaining this mentality.
Our Response to Obstacles of Life
It is always something difficult that we will be experiencing but what matters is our response to the difficulty. Life is not fair; hopes, dreams and aspirations may be crushed. We need to not take on the position of being a victim and look to the future and what we can achieve, how we can develop and become. We empower ourselves during situations when we are facing challenges through our decision making. It is so critically important that we understand the vulnerabilities that face us when going through a divorce and how our health and well being affects our lives and the lives of others. One going through a divorce needs to arm themselves with a healthy lifestyle, seek strong sources of mental health while carefully and cognizantly make decisions for their future. When we experience a curve or difficulty in life, we need to focus on how we will learn and grow from it. Life is not fair but we can work hard at making some of our dreams come true. The social health of divorce truly impacts our culture, social network, family system and individual development. By examining the risk factors and implications one can identify patterns that can be adopted to reduce the negative impact of divorce. By individually concentrating on creating a healthy culture to raise children within divorce our social structure may shift to have less of a negative impact and future health of our society. It is critical that we maintain a positive focus and attitude. When you feel yourself slipping and becoming negative, try to correct yourself and focus on the blessings in your life. Keep a gratitude journal to remind yourself of what is positive and good. Take time to extend service to those in greater need than yourself. Volunteer at the homeless shelter or children’s hospital. It is important to keep a perspective that looks into the future and is not based on the moment at hand.
Choose Wall & Wall for an Easy Legal Experience.
If you are struggling coping with divorce, then you don’t need additional stress from your lawyers. At Wall and Wall, we work with you in an understanding manner so that you get the treatment and legal guidance you deserve. Will take care of the legal process so you can focus on the things that matter most. Call Wall and Wall today, or fill out our form to the right to have an easier legal experience and focus on coping with divorce.