You may still be struggling to regain your emotional, psychological, financial, and family management balance after divorce, only to find the holidays are now rushing toward you. You may feel a deep sense of guilt about deficiencies you may believe you have as a single parent that may be negatively impacting your kids.
You may think that your kids will feel you’re depriving them of the big expensive gifts that you just can’t afford this year. We hope you will find that the amazing gifts listed below are holiday treasures you can give your kids and yourself, that you all can enjoy this season and for years to come.
Perspective on Gifts for Your Kids
Parents struggling to find their way through the obstacle course of divorce often feel that they are ruining their children’s lives. You may feel sure that your kids will be inconsolably unhappy and even that they will hate you if you can’t deliver the usual expensive gifts this year.
And, a sense of holiday dread may feel overwhelming to you if your ex-husband/ex-wife can afford to buy your kids gifts that are out of your financial reach. You may feel you should just throw up your hands and assume your inevitable new role as the less significant and reliable parent. But, as it turns out, this self-perception is actually false.
- Allow yourself, just for a moment, to believe that this holiday season will actually be filled with surprises.
- And, recognize the fact that your kids’ love for you and their sense of your worth is not (and never was) actually based on your gift-buying power.
In a very insightful little book, recommended for newly divorced parents, Jessica Bram’s, Happily Ever After Divorce, the author recalls facing a dreary future of annual holiday seasons that she imagined would all be like those early ones after divorce, with very little money, staying at home with her kids, while her ex-husband spent extravagantly for the kids’ gifts and took them on luxury family vacations. She felt inadequate.
But, as time passed, she discovered that she could give her kids much greater gifts, gifts that keep multiplying their effects throughout her children’s lives. She started focusing on giving them those gifts. Below, are suggestions for the two most amazing gifts that Jessica found that she could give her children. We hope that you will give these great gifts to your kids and yourself too, during the upcoming holidays.
1. The Gift of Guilt-Free Holidays
Give your kids and yourself the gift of a fully guilt-free holiday this year. Just allow your kids to enjoy their holidays wherever they are going to be spending their time this holiday season, free from stress and guilt feelings from worrying about how you are doing alone while they’re with your ex and not at home with you.
As a parent, you will know that if your kids are aware that you are depressed and angry, they will be confused and emotionally torn by their sense of a need to protect you. But, giving them a sense of security by sending them off to spend time with their other parent, and willingly accepting the new way things are can do wonders in helping your kids adjust in a healthy way and be happy during the holidays.
Use the great power that you know you have. Assert the power you know you have over your kids’ experience in a healthier way, by adopting a positive, healthy attitude about the changing situation for them. Give this emotionally generous gift to your kids, and you will discover that they and you will feel more satisfied during the holidays and throughout the years to come than you ever thought you all could.
2. The Gift that Matters Most to Your Kids
It is very common for parents, divorced or married, to feel deficient as parents because they are unable to make everything “perfect” in their children’s lives. Many parents feel the need to compensate for their sense of inadequacy as parents by buying their kids expensive gifts that they can’t afford.
And, they use numerous other tactics to try to make up for feelings of parental deficiency. One of the most important gifts you can give your kids is your own recognition of what you already give them in abundance—yourself.
Your kids know that you love them. So, this means that you already have everything you need to give them a happy holiday experience before you spend any money at all. Remember that the same love you have always felt for your children enables you to create wonderful holiday memories with them, even during this transition period.
Be aware of yourself as an adequate parent. Think about the boundless love you have for your kids, and about the great parent you know that you have been and will continue to be. Your awareness of this truth about yourself is what Bramm calls the gift of “being enough.” And, that is a truly a priceless gift that lets your kids and you all feel secure and happy this holiday season.
Wall & Wall Attorneys at Law, P.C.
Our law office specializes in helping people who need to hire a Utah divorce lawyer who will carefully assess their situation and explain all options that are in our clients’ interests. Your attorney will personally represent you in divorce court, to resolve the matter successfully. We provide legal help on all matters of divorce and Utah family law.
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If you need to talk to a Utah divorce lawyer, contact Wall & Wall Attorneys at Law, P.C., and ask for a free 30-minute consultation. We will provide you with the no-obligation case review. For more than 50 years, our family-owned Salt Lake City, Utah divorce law firm has been helping people who are going through a divorce. We serve our neighbors in Salt Lake City Utah, and throughout the greater Salt Lake region.