You might get advice and post-divorce tips from well-meaning friends and family like; “you can re-invent yourself“, or “you’re better off now“. While you know these one-liners come from a place of love and caring, please don’t buy into the smooth sounding anecdotes to encompass your life from this point on. The fact is that YOU ARE YOU. You always have been and you always will be. Your situation isn’t ‘just like’ everyone else’s, you are not a cliché. When you’ve accepted what happened and begin to look forward to what’s coming, you’ll find out what works best for you and things really will start to get easier.
Here are a few tips to help you along the way:
One Day at a Time
Sometimes you may feel overwhelmed or like nothing seems to be going right, and in these moments the only thing anyone can do is to take each day as it comes. Some days may be really bad, and some days will be really good, especially as you develop new daily routines. Have confidence in your ability to handle everyday life and new situations as they arise. You’re probably becoming an even better parent to your kids as you go along, too. Remember that you are the same person you’ve always been but probably a lot smarter, stronger and overall a better person than you were before.
Communicate With The Kids
Establish daily communication to help set the standard and give kids the opportunity to express their feelings. With emotions like anger and sadness; your kids may act out or say hurtful things to you. In the heat of these troubling moments don’t try to reason with them. Just be there for them, talk if they want to talk and try to help them understand that these feelings are valid. Most of all make sure you tell them over and over that it is not their fault. And for the benefit of everyone uphold custody rulings, child support, and visitation. Remind yourself that it is you who got a divorce, not them.
Just For You
Don’t ignore that you have wants and needs, take time out once in a while – just for you. We’re not just talking about dating and ‘getting back out there’; think about what you like to do or what you’ve always wanted to do. Utilize the time the kids are with your ex or call on one of the above-mentioned well-wishers to look after the kids and go do something just for you. You may want to get back into running, go out with friends, attend a concert or just take a walk for some alone time. Don’t put limits on yourself, if you’ve always wanted to take a painting class then do it! In an even better direction: you could help yourself move forward by choosing to do things to improve yourself and your situation.
Never Say Never
Your friends are eventually going to try setting you up on blind dates. Again, these people in your life are well meaning and want to see you happy. If you’re not ready yet, just let them know (probably time and time again). When you feel you are ready you will probably sit through a few of these dates thinking, “what am I doing here?” Don’t get discouraged, if you want to – you will find love again. You will not spend the rest of eternity alone! Sometimes it just takes time and you just need to find the bravery to try again.
We’re Always Here to Help
At Wall & Wall Attorneys at Law, we are here to help with any post divorce or child custody issues that you may be facing. We understand that questions and concerns arise even after a divorce is finalized and we are here to provide you and your loved ones with professional and compassionate legal support. Give us a call at 801-639-9621 to schedule a free consultation.
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