Divorce can be a difficult time for all those involved, but often times children can be affected more significantly than the parents. Even younger children can be good at putting up a wall that makes them appear to be ok when they are anything but. They often struggle inside and may not feel like they have a place to turn when their parents are in the midst of a divorce amicable or not. Even if your child appears to be ok it is important to give them reassurance that they are secure and that they are loved so that they can heal after the divorce as well. To help your child navigate through this difficult time, it is important to not only do the right things but say the right things as well.
9 Things Kids Need After a Divorce:
1. To Be Told and Shown They Are Loved
Children need reassurance. both verbally and physically that they are loved and still matter. Too often parents assume their children know this, but children often require more reassurance than adults
2. Your Patience
While divorce can be hard on everyone involved, it is important to not take your frustration with the proceedings or your spouse out on your children. Now is the time to exercise patience. Your child may act out or withdraw so your patience may be tested, but it is important to keep your cool.
3. It’s Okay to Love and Care About Both Parents
Your children do not need to pick a side, but often during divorce proceedings, they may feel like they are supposed to. Let them know that both parents love them and that it is okay for them to love both of you as well.
4. Quality Time to Feel Safe and Open Up
Quality time is important when going through a divorce as you may find yourself preoccupied during the process. Set aside time for activities with your child where they will be able to enjoy that quality time and open up about issues or stress that they may have about the divorce.
5. To Hear it’s Not Their Fault
It may be hard for parents to understand, but children will often take the blame when there are problems with the parents. They may find themselves saying if I wasn’t bad or if they didn’t spend money on me they wouldn’t be fighting. While the children do not need to hear every particular detail about the divorce they do need to be reassured that the cause had nothing to do with them.
6. Know They Have Support
Let them know they have the support of you, your spouse, and family members who can be there to listen when they need to talk about things that may bother them. It is also important that whoever they communicate with be aware that choosing sides should not be promoted. If your child feels that they need help outside of the family and current support system, such as counseling, let them know it is ok and sometimes it may be easier for them to be honest and open with a stranger.
7. They’re Not the Messenger
Your children need to know that they will not be the messenger of your communication to each other either during the divorce or during custody issues. With today’s technology, no matter what the divorce situation, it is easy to communicate with your spouse without involving your children in any way.
8. It’s Ok to Feel Angry, Frustrated, or Sad
Let your child know that throughout this process that they may go through a range of emotions and that not only is this okay, but it is common.
9. Life Will Go On
While your children may have to deal with this speed bump in their life, their life will go on and this event will not define them. This may be hard for them to understand at first as they may feel like their world is ending, but it is important to let them know that while this event will bring change it will not be the end of their happiness.
Contact Utah Divorce Attorneys Wall & Wall Attorneys at Law
If you are dealing with a divorce and in need of an experienced Utah divorce attorney contact Wall & Wall Attorneys at Law today. We can provide you with the legal expertise to get you through the legal and personal issues around your divorce. For more information or to schedule a free consultation, give us a call at 801-441-2388.