Getting to the other side of our divorce was difficult, but it taught me how to ask for help. Through the bad days and through the lonely months when I longed for the comforts of family tradition and missed the laughter of friends gathered in the backyard, I began to discover values that eventually made our family stronger. Now I have learned to have an open mind and a willingness to work together for the sake of our children, extended family, friends, careers – everything I treasured would depend on how successful we were at this one thing – divorce.
1. Staying Positive in Spite of it All
It began to matter less and less who was at fault when the marriage dissolves. For me, the pain of losing someone I loved – or someone I had once loved, left me with an emotional pain that lingered long and heavy. The hopes for our future were lost and the sadness of our children consumed us. In the midst of filing for our divorce, I would have to learn a new way to exist.
In the beginning it was difficult, but eventually, I worked hard to stay positive – to the best of my abilities. That’s when things began to change. My conversations became civil, visitations came and went without debate, and instead of turmoil, there was an effort – a mutual effort to keep the divorce positive, in spite of it all.
2. A New and Different Us
Both of us needed desperately to let go of all the anger and disappointment. I had to strive with great effort to learn from past experiences and the present hurt, while also healing, growing and moving on. Despite repeated waves of negativity and frustration, along with the underlying notion that I had failed to keep our family intact, I held fast to one thing for sure – things would have to be different.
I wanted a positive divorce, and we both wanted to place the best interests of our children ahead of financial and material matters. Eventually, things started evolving for the better, even though our lives together would not go as we had planned, we discovered a new and different us.
3. Looking Ahead and Looking Back
With the initial shock of divorce behind us, it became more and more evident that there were some valuable life lessons to be learned, and that’s what I decided to focus on. Each of us independently and in our own way spent time looking back to reflect on both the good times and the bad times. Surely, there were many things we each had done wrong and many things we both had failed to give our time and attention to.
Reflecting back on my marriage, I found a new strength and began to take responsibility for my past behaviors and for the future happiness of myself and my children. My job was to blaze a new path for our broken family. A path that would be based on respect and love – no matter what had happened before.
I turned my attention to the future, and began to realize that first I had to start loving myself, then I could not only look ahead to a new, loving relationship with our extended family and friends, but I could also look ahead to a new type of family relationship with my children – one based on sharing, concern, and openness.
4. Getting the Help I Needed
It wasn’t always easy reaching the light at the end of the tunnel. I needed help to overcome some deep pain and to successfully move into fresh life. And that’s exactly what I did. I started down a path of self-development in order to keep near and dear those things I still cherished. If I had not done this, who knows what type of people we may have become – bitter, angry, resentful, stalled in life and unable to help our children thrive and succeed.
The divorce forced me to get painfully honest with myself, reflecting on both my faults and on my good qualities. This type of self-reflection allowed me to know when I needed help, because frankly – there are some things that my ex can do better than me. I learned to admit it, and accept it.
When comes to our new family dynamic, it doesn’t help any of us to be critical of each other. What does help is when one can step in to shoulder an important situation concerning our children, without the other feeling slighted.
5. An Attitude of Gratitude
Family is still the most important thing in the world me. That’s why I got the help I needed – so I could get through the lows, make it to the highs, and create a new type of family bond that will outlast both the good and the bad. I got the help I needed to support our family emotionally, financially, and legally. We’re both better parents now and the divorce has taught me many lessons, such as when to let go and when to hold tight to what I value most.
Today, I am grateful for the authentic relationship that I now have with my children, the respect that my ex and I show each other, and the positive, life-changing things our divorce eventually led me to experience.
Take Care of You and Your Family by Contacting an Experienced SLC Divorce Lawyer Today
When you need a Utah divorce attorney, contact Wall and Wall Attorneys at Law located in Salt Lake City, Utah. We are well-respected for the confidential and personal way our staff and attorneys take in consulting on all your legal options and resolving matters in a way that supports the goals for you and your family. Call us today for a free consultation! 801-639-9817.
- What Happens in a Divorce With a Prenup vs. Without a Prenup? – March 25, 2021
- Can a Stepparent be Required to Pay Child Support? – February 15, 2021
- November is National Adoption Awareness Month – October 15, 2020