Although a marriage should last a lifetime, sometimes unavoidable circumstances can lead to divorce. The late Nora Ephron once said that marriages come and go but divorce is forever. Dealing with a divorce that doesn’t involve kids is relatively easy compared to the one in which kids are involved. While you can move on swiftly and find another partner, your kids will always be tied to you and your ex-husband/wife. If you ask any child in the midst of a divorce how they feel about it, they will often clam up. However, there are certain things that kids of divorce wish their parents would know. Here are 8 of those things that kids of divorce want their parents to know.
1. Keep the Harsh Words and Sour Thoughts Between the Two of You
Divorcing parents must understand that children are like little sponges soaking up all the energy that you put out. When they become adults, their hearts and mind will be full of the things that they heard while they were kids. And most importantly, their future will be shaped by the decisions that you make as parents. Therefore, when you are going through a divorce, keep in mind that you have lost your marriage and not yourself. Once you are through with the process, you will need to pick yourself up and find ways of accomplishing your goals, therefore, don’t direct the harsh words and the negative energy towards your kids.
2. Stop Trying to Get Information about your Ex-Husband/Wife from Your Children
Even if you share children, it is good to appreciate the fact that your marriage is no longer there and the two of you are no longer together. Don’t turn your children into young spies. If you are co-parenting, stick to the agenda of raising the children together and nothing else. Your ex is not your child’s enemy, and they are not middlemen, and it is not fair to put your children in such a position.
3. Don’t Overshare Your Problems
It is as simple as that. Your children don’t need to know every small detail of what you are fighting about and especially if they are old enough to understand what it means. Consider working with a divorce attorney in Utah to sort out your issues and keep your children out of the circus. If possible, discuss the issue of child custody and only inform them about what you have agreed upon as parents.
4. Don’t Discourage Your Kids from Talking about their Other Parent
Children want to talk about their lives and experiences without feeling guilty. Therefore, offer your children the freedom to speak about the other parent without feeling intimidated. Even if they talk negatively about the other parent, they don’t expect you to add to that negativity. Instead, try to understand why they are talking negatively about your ex and find a solution to the problem.
5. Your Children Still Need You to Be Their Parents
It’s true that your children don’t want you to break up. They don’t want you to start coordinating parenting schedules or making arrangements on how you will be visiting them in turns. They want you to stick together so that you can attend their graduations together, go on family holidays together and do everything together. Your children don’t want you to put them in a difficult position where they have to figure out how to relate to each one of you. They want to know that they are more important to you than the anger and upset that you have with each other.
6. Your Kids Aren’t Your Therapists
This is a mistake that most divorcing parents tend to commit. Never turn to your kids for consolation when you are going through a divorce. Please seek out professional help or rely on one of your best friends for comfort since your kids won’t know what to do.
7. Even After Divorce Your Relationship with Your Kids Is Still Precious
Keep this in mind and always remember the fact that your children will always form an integral part of your life. If you choose to remarry, explain to your new partner about your situation and let them understand that you aren’t willing to relinquish your parental rights. Fight for time with your kids and offer them the parental love that they need. Kids, just like diamonds, will last forever and the earlier you notice that, the better. Talk to a family law lawyer in Salt Lake City, Utah who will help you come up with a comprehensive parenting schedule.
8. Your Kids Want You to Think about Their Future
Although you may not realize it now, the fact remains that your divorce will have a significant impact on the future of your kids. Keep in mind that when you were married, you were their support system and in their minds, they would grow knowing that you will always be there for them. When they need someone to depend on, they knew that they have both parents. But now things are different, and they are forced to adjust to a new life. Please take your time and think about their future. Ask yourself:
- How do you want them to grow up?
- What will life be like to them?
- What will happen if they fall sick and need urgent care?
Talk to your partner about these issues before you finalize your divorce.
Legal Guidance from an Experienced Salt Lake City, Utah Divorce Attorney
Are you struggling with divorce in Salt Lake City, Utah? Contact Wall & Wall Attorneys at Law today who will guide you through every step of your divorce. We treat our clients with respect and offer free 30 minute consultations and a no-obligation case review. Talk to us today and let us review your situation from a legal perspective.