It can be difficult to start over after a divorce, and if you compound that with a move to a new city, it can be even more of a challenge. Once your divorce is final, moving to a new place can be one of the best ways to start over, wipe the slate clean. But, it can also be tough to move to a new place as an adult. You don’t know anyone, you have to find new grocery stores, dry cleaners, dog parks…it can be daunting.
Follow these ‘survival’ tips to make the move simpler and easier, and help you keep your sanity about you:
1. Prepare for the Emotional Challenge
Moving is hard, whether it’s just from one house to another in the same town, or to an entirely new city. It’s definitely an exciting time, but it’s also a major life transition. You’ll feel some real highs and some real lows. Know that these mood swings are coming and understand they’re a normal part of the process. You’re leaving behind a marriage and a home; it’s okay to mourn that and feel sad. Have someone you can talk to—a therapist, a good friend, or family member. Don’t keep your emotions bottled up, they just might explode out at the wrong time. And, if you are seeing a therapist, make sure to get a recommendation for a new one before you leave. You’ll want a support network in place when you arrive in your new home.
2. Have Patience with Yourself
After your move, you’ll probably have some moments of loneliness and doubt. You may wonder why you got divorced, why you made the move, why you took a new job, etc. Remember, those thoughts are products of your fear. You’ll start to feel more confident as you move around your new city and get your bearings, meet new people, and get settled into your new job. It takes time, so have patience. Trust yourself and your decision.
3. People will Disappoint You, but Don’t Take it Personally
When things don’t go the way you thought they would, when your old friends don’t email or call, or new friends don’t invite you out, when your neighbors are welcoming, or your kids are too busy to hang out with you, remember, everyone has ‘stuff’. They all have baggage, or other commitments, or busy lives. Don’t take these things personally. Find something more fun to do on your own; go exploring, unpack, decorate, read a good book or watch a movie.
4. Take Pride in Yourself
You did it! You moved to a new city on your own after your divorce. That takes courage. Many people would never do what you’ve done, so be proud. Carry that pride around with you, and remember it when you have a challenging day, or feel a little depressed or alone.
5. Take Notes
If you don’t already, keep a journal. Take time each day to write a little bit about what happened, how you felt, or what you learned. Later on, when you take a look back, you’ll be able to chart your growth and see how far you’ve come.
6. Take Time Making Friends
The first people you meet may be friendly, and they may ask you to do things, but remember it takes a while to make real friends. Don’t expect every friend to turn into your best friend. Try to accept every invitation you can; it is hard to go new places and talk to new people, but remember it pays off! You’ll meet new people and establish a new support network—making life easier in the long run.
7. Know it Will Get Better
Your newness will wear off. You’ll get past the obstacles and be stronger for it.
8. Reinvent Yourself
One great thing about moving to a whole new place is that you get to start over, you can reinvent yourself. No one knows you, so you can feel free to be your true self.
9. Reinvent Your Home
Now that you’re reinventing yourself, why not reinvent your home décor, while you’re at it? Chances are if you and your spouse moved into your last home together, you shared decorating decisions. Now that you have a blank canvas to start with, you can decorate as you see fit. Have the confidence to be bold; there’s no one’s opinion to ask (unless you live with your children, of course), you get to make the decisions. You’re in control, and it’s a great feeling!
Once your divorce is finalized, it’s easy to feel sad and depressed, but deciding to make a move can revitalize you. Take that chance! It can be a dream come true. Your new life is just around the corner, reach out and grab it!
While starting over can be scary, and moving is difficult no matter how you look at it, now is the time to do it. Start fresh with a clean slate, and be proud of yourself for undertaking this new adventure.
Sure, there are plenty of good reasons to stay put; it’s easier, your favorite grocery store is just down the street, they know you at the bank…but there are so many more reasons to make that move. Stop replaying the bad memories of your past and go out and make new ones! These tips will help make the transition a little less stressful. Good luck!
Salt Lake City, Utah Divorce Attorneys at Wall & Wall Attorneys at Law are Happy to Help
If you need legal advice, or have questions about your new status, contact our Salt Lake City, Utah divorce attorneys at Wall & Wall Attorneys at Law today. We have over 190 years of combined family experience dealing with all divorce and family law issues. We are more than happy to help. Give us a call at 801-639-9275 to schedule a free 30 minute case evaluation.