Why is divorce so stressful?
Divorce or separation is considered to be one of the most stressful events that one can experience. We at the Law Office of Wall & Wall care tremendously about our clients. This is a difficult time and we want to help you through this process. We have seen many clients experience divorce stress and subsequent negative impacts along with healthy change. Divorce and separation can induce a wide variety of emotions. Some include failure, anger, loneliness, fear, sadness, loss and possibly even relief. There may also be financial and practical worries. There are questions about child custody, child care, working, relationship and friendships. We hope that our series of articles will help you through this bewildering process and prepare to start building a new future. We also hope that we will help you understand the legal system and prepare you to be guided by our attorneys through the labyrinth of the legal process.
You are not Alone
Don’t think you are the first to feel divorce stress.
In the last 50 years, the percentage of U.S. married households has fallen from nearly 80 percent to a low 51.6 %. More households are single parent households than ever before, in fact tripling since 40 years ago with the percentage of marriages ending in divorce jumping from 25% to 45%. There are obvious patterns that are adopted subconsciously when going through a divorce that negatively impacts our culture, social networks, family system and individual development. Family systems are a complex adaptive system that influences all those involved including partners, children and extended family. The family system and dynamics also influence decision making and are impacted dramatically by the decisions of those going through a divorce. The family system can be one of the most influential forces in an individual’s development. Additionally, the individual influences the entire family cycle also.
By consciously adapting particular patterns, the negative impact of a divorce can be diminished. The main categories of negative impacts are violence and abuse, emotional damage, physical health and lifestyle changes. The effects of these negative impacts are far reaching on the social health of our children and ourselves. This is especially detrimental to our children in that they are now being raised in a culture that may negatively affect their individual development.
Each relationship is unique.
Our culture is different and unique from much of the world but it is important to point out that American culture is also diverse within itself. For instance, some relationships are very patriarchal with the husband dominating the relationship. A divorce within a marriage of patriarchal culture is distinctive from one that has decision making from both partners. A man from a patriarchal marriage will become more frustrated and angry with separation and divorce through the perception that he is entitled to an ongoing relationship of female obedience, loyalty and dependence. While in other types of marriage, a women may feel more frustrated. When experiencing divorce, it is important to be aware of who is most at risk for post-separation stress and take the steps necessary to relieve that divorce stress in a healthy manner. Avoid situations that could lead to increased divorce stress or even violence. If you are having difficulty controlling your emotions, it can help to consult a therapist who can help you understand your individual situation.
You are in Charge
There is much that you can do to influence your experience!
These thoughts may be very overwhelming, but by understanding the dynamics how everything interrelates, one can become much more cognizant and aware of how they are influencing the lives of those around them. There is much that can be done to influence a positive outcome through careful decision making, understanding vulnerabilities and balancing ones life.